“The College Dropoff” This is a moment so many parents anticipate with a fair amount of angst – torn between happy to see their young person fly and sadness to see them go. I was no different. I wasn’t sure how I would experience it. I tend not to be a fall apart kind of person but I was prepared for whatever the experience brought me.
My plan was to start our trek to school by taking up the “Home of a 2023 Senior Buccaneer” sign. It seemed appropriate to pull it on the day my son, Lance, would be leaving for college. I had a complete ceremony planned in my mind complete with photo opportunities and a short video for posterity. That plan was upended when I realized that Lance had already removed it unbeknownst to me. So no ceremony. No words of completion. Just…the sign neatly placed in the garage. That’s when I learned the first lesson: It was time to stop. It was time to stop facilitating and planning. The truth is that the sign did not need a ceremony and neither did Lance. He chose how to mark the occasion and it was a great choice. I am standing down.
Shortly after the unceremonious sign retirement, my husband, Lin drove us to the airport. As we are about to part ways, both father and son begin crying. I was totally surprised! While I admit that I didn’t see that coming, I acknowledge that I should have. I was pleased to see that Lance and his father were comfortable sharing how much they love and would miss each other through their tears. That was a great moment for them and it filled my heart to witness it. Lesson Two – feel the feels and let them flow whenever and however they show up. This is not a time for holding back, but a time to let go. The tears and emotion that came forth from having to part ways was a special moment for all of us.
Hours later, we completed our trek. We got to school. We unloaded. We put things away and then made our list. We made two Target runs, 1 trip to Lowes and I watched my son put everything exactly where he wanted it. I valued such concentrated time with him. We shopped. We laughed. I took his instruction on tasks to complete. Finally, his room was ready.
While we made our way through the day, I wandered and worried about how he would make connections on this large campus. The university is huge, with tons of people and I wanted him to find people before I left. I worried he might be lonely if he didn’t. While I sat and worried over ice cream, Lance beamed as he told me how happy he was to be on campus- even before he’s made any of those connections!
Lance and I discussed our planned visit to him in about 6 weeks. It was then my turn to say “goodbye” as he hopped out of the car to find the Theater cohort that had gathered. It was not protracted or tearful for either of us. I admittedly thought – “Wait. That’s it?” Later that evening, he put my mind at ease when he told me about how much he loved the theater cohort- his people-that he went to find when we parted ways. It was time for this Mama to go home.
I flew out the next morning feeling pleased, believing I had hurdled the biggest part. I was wrong. When I got home and saw his empty drop zone, the tears welled. It was not dropping him at school that would bring on the tears because we will see each other in 6 weeks and several times after that before the end of year. It was the recognition and feeling how our house will be different and how our relationship would change in all the right ways. He is on his way. Lesson 3 – Each one of us will experience the change differently because our relationships are different. I got a chance to Mother all the way to the drop off to meet new friends. What a blessing. I couldn’t feel sad or cry about that. That moment was too happy and wouldn’t allow for it. However, it was the lack of his presence in the house that made me feel it. I’m still feeling it. And I’m glad that I get to.
Dr. Lisa
Our song is “Just the Way You Are” by Billy Joel.